When I was young, my ideas of love were so fanatical that I look back now and laugh. It was such a perfectionist view of an extreme emotion that I viewed it as purely magic and fantasy. If two people were meant to be together, it would happen no matter the circumstances – place, time, situation. The way I saw it, God predetermined who would match up together and that was final. While there is an element to love that still fascinates me, it’s not as glorified and incredulous like I used to think it was. It’s beautiful, but now I realize it’s a work in progress that develops from people willing to make the parts work. It’s a little like working with what you’ve got. And while that sounds sad, it’s really not. Love takes work and smoothing out the kinks and grooves in the time and place particular to your situation. Love does not appear out of thin air.
Similarly, there’s this idea of passion. Find your passion, people say. When I graduated from college, I was lucky enough to have “found my passion.” I wanted to be a nurse and I knew I would like it.
But what about the people that didn’t?
The more I reflect on the different parts of my life that I am “passionate” about, the more I realize that, like love, passion didn’t appear out of thin air. Passion was cultivated into existence and up until that point, there were only clues that pointed me in the direction of how. I realized I liked one thing, which led to another, which led to another, and before I knew it, my mind was in a trance of losing track of time and immense satisfaction and happiness from what I was doing. I suddenly realized I was passionate. But this did not come until later. This did not come until I was able to sit down and explore my emotions in relation to what I was doing.
I write this now because I know I am passionate about making art, but it’s not something I practice everyday. After work, I’m usually too tired to pull out a paper pad and paint brushes. I know that if push comes to shove and I did, I would enjoy it. But getting there takes practice, and just like anything else, it takes time and action to physically get it done.
Some new supplies came in for my practice grant. It’s exciting and has lit a fire under my butt to start creating again. Again, I’m finding myself in these moments of flow and it’s amazing to get so lost into the ink flowing that I forget that music on my Spotify playlist stopped playing a long time ago. I’m just in my zone. But it’s nine o’clock at night, I worked extra today, and I’m tired. I wanted nothing more than to watch TV and fall asleep. But to get into my zone, I needed to carve out the willpower to put the pen to paper, and here I am.
Like anything else, passion takes practice. It’s special, but it’s nothing that you couldn’t get to.
Where are you on your journey towards being passionate?